Why'd you Come?
by pandasexual
Summary: Human AU. Matthew is a typical troubled student. When he tries to end it all, someone comes by and stops him. Will they ever cross paths or will Matthew's mind be filled with his being? Trigger Warning: mentions of self-harm and suicide. Franada with more side pairings... Rating subject to change! Written by le tres bien moi, PaNdA
1. Chapter 1

_**grr... I come on here to see my Fanfiction deleted yet again! I'm held back on time at the moment so I'll upload the first chapter and put up the next chapter on my own time...**_

_**DISCLAIM:I don't own... all rights go too... Hima-papa :3**_

_**WARNING: rated T (for now) for cursing and hints? Subject to change to M :D**_

_**I love you guys for choosing to read this**_

_**PaNdA~**_

...

I stood on the roof of the tall office building. Looking down, my fear of heights got the better of me. In my head, this sounded so much easier. Go up, walk off, die… Right? But as I faced this near-death experience, I found it's quite harder than I anticipated. I turned around quickly, not being able to take my fears. My hands fingered my shoulder length, blonde hair.

'Just do it, Matthew! Or are you too chicken?' my mind pushed. I walked back to the edge, looked down again, and practically jumped when I heard a voice. No. Literally…

"What are you doing, mon ami?" a strong, French accented voice tore through the silence in the air and echoed in my ears. My entire body leaped upwards and fell back down on my derrière.

"O-ow…" I whimpered, but still stood up to look behind me at the voice,

There, a tall, blonde man stood, his blue eyes staring into mine. Upon his chin was a light shadow, stubble to show his age. I'd guess about thirty.

"What were you doing there? It looked as if you were about to jump," his rich, French accent took my away from my thoughts.

"I-I was…" I whispered. 'Damn you, Matthew! Man up!'

"But why? The world needs beauties like you every once and a while." The stranger took a step forward and grazed my cheek with his palm. My face felt heated and I took a step back, of course tripping and falling once again on my butt.

"I… I'm just sick of being ignored… by everyone …" I answered, only slightly honest as I turned my head away.

"Well, come, mon ami. Let us get you to your home. I'm sure your family is worried sick and going nuts wondering where you are." He offered his hand, which I eyed suspiciously. After deeming it safe, I gently placed my hand on his palm and hoisted myself up. The blonde made no move to let go so I retracted my hand from his grasp. "Tell me, where do you live?"

And so, the stranger drove me home. The entire ride we were talking about life. Mostly mine but still. It made me feel… not invisible. We chatted about my school life and my home life where I found out nothing about him. Not that it mattered, I wouldn't see him again anyway. But I still felt like life was okay.

Before I knew it, we'd arrived at my house and stopped near the driveway. I stepped out and thanked him greatly for the ride. Then, I began my ascend up the porch steps. As my hand grazed the door knob, however, a thought occurred to ask about his name and number before it was too late. But as I turned around, I realized he'd left the street and there was a void space where the car was. As quickly as he saved me, he disappeared. "Maybe it's for the best," I muttered as I turned the knob and entered my home.

The television was running and the water faucet sounded on. Upon the couch was my father and brother. Obviously my mother was in the kitchen. I thought I could sneak up to my room. Obviously not…

"Where've ya been, boy?" my dad's baritone voice resonated through the house.

"I… I was out with a couple friends. That's all…" I quietly answered.

"Yah, okay. Yer good. Now go help yer mom. She's not fairin' too well tonight."

With that, my dad turned towards the television and my brother stood up. He walked up to me and leaned into my ear.

"You weren't really with friends were you, Matt?" he asked in a low, concerned voice.

"It's none of your concern, Alfred," I whispered quietly as I headed to the kitchen to help my mom.

After my duties were finished, I went straight to my room and lied down, quite prepared for a sleepless night of restlessness.

Of course, I was slightly wrong. That night I dreamt. I dreamt of that guy that saved me. Why did he save me? What did I do to deserve a savior? These questions roamed my head without an answer. I just don't understand why he did that…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

I startled awake to my alarm blaring at five thirty in the morning. I fumbled to shut it off, but hastily stabbed the 'snooze' button. At least I don't have to worry about waking anyone up. Alfred sleeps like the dead and my parents are on the other side of the house.

I stood up and headed for the bathroom as routine. Urinate, shower, hygiene, Alfred, repeat. Same cycle every day in my boring old life. So, I declothed, but upon looking at my meek body, my eyes widened. So many bruises and cuts. I remember getting beat up yesterday, but I was yet to inspect the damage. I had just walked straight to the office building my dad worked at and took the first elevator ride to the roof. But then… that man kind of saved me…

'No, Matthew! Stop thinking about someone you'll never see again! Don't get caught up in him! You were supposed to forget about him already…' my mind raged. I can't help that though. My thoughts act on impulse.

Yet still, I hopped into the shower and cleansed my body. All my accidental cuts and self-inflicted cuts were scattered everywhere. My mind continued to wander all over that man's face. So accentuated. His accent so rich and thick. His hair so blonde and in unruly waves… His pure blue eyes that seemed to endless… But I need to forget about him…

A half hour later, all my thoughts still jumbled around, I stepped out of the shower and walked to the kitchen. I sometimes cook my brother and I pancakes or the sort. So, pancakes and maple syrup in mind, I grabbed at the mix and began cooking.

Soon after, a young blonde clad in Captain America pajamas thudded down the stairs whilst scratching his stomach.

"Mornin' Matt," Alfred half-heartedly greeted me before plopping on the couch and surfing the channels.

"Good morning," I quietly answered back, though he didn't hear me so it was useless.

After my famous (well in this household at least) pancakes were done and we ate. Alfred retreated to his room to get dressed properly and I… well, I had already been dressed in some jeans, a normal tee, and my signature jacket.

Once Alfred was hopping down the stairs, book bag in hand, I stepped out of the house and ascended to the bus stop. Truth be told, my mind was else-where. A certain blonde kept crossing my mind at every subject spoken in there. It's not fair. Why did he have to save me? Of all people?

But soon the bus drove around the corner and stopped to pick us up, it's red lights flashing for the other cars to stop. And we were picked up to go to this hell hole of a school.

Of course, even on the bus my mind wouldn't cease to stop thinking about him. That accent though… it was French, correct? I know some French myself, with being Canadian and all, but that definitely sounded French. It sounded so beautiful… wait WHAT?!

"Matt… this is our stop. You comin'?" my brother asked as he poked my cheek. I sighed melodramatically and stood up, heading to the bus doors already.

As I entered the high school, my thoughts were still elsewhere. What is with me lately? He was just… god why can't I just stop thinking about him?

Just then, I bumped into someone. Of course, my lucky day. I fell down, like I always do, and muttered an "I'm sorry." A hand popped in front of my face, but I shook my head to say I didn't need one. I hopped up and walked around him, avoiding eye contact as I usually do.

"Hey, what do you say, Matt?" an all too familiar Russian voice sounded from behind me.

"What do you want, Ivan?" I asked, void of emotion. I didn't really like him at all… he kept belittling me in class and would mock me at every open chance.

"Oh," he started as he walked around to my front. "I was just going to ask if you thought he was, what's the word? Hot?"

I flushed slightly. "I-I didn't even look at him…" I admitted.

"Oh? Too embarrassed to? Don't worry." He quickly ran behind me and grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to turn towards the direction I had just left. I really didn't like the feeling of Ivan behind me but all my fears erased as I looked at the man I just bumped into… twice. That man I met yesterday was no doubt standing where I just left, turned around chatting with a boy though.

"See? He's hot. Wouldn't you s-"

"Ivan, mess with a kid your own fucking size," a German accent commanded. Ivan left immediately, most likely out of fear for what the German might do.

"Thank you… Gilbert…" I awkwardly thanked. Last I remembered we had spoken was when Gilbert had confessed to me… great! Could this day get any worse?!

"Ah… well! No problem! I'd do anything for you!" He chuckled as I felt my face heat up. I glanced over at the blonde I had seen just yesterday. Big mistake! He was looking at me and we exchanged glances… now he knows I co-exist with him.

Well how could this get worse?!

**...**

_**Well that wasn't so bad? Forgive if it's terrible. I wrote this at -checks the time- 3:39 AM so deal with it! It wasn't so bad if you made it this far, oui? Gah thank you! Anyway, please do review, fav, follow, anything! ;)**_

_**Anyway, I really hoped you liked and you'll read future updates!**_

_**PaNdA~**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you to**_** NaomiBrady13 _for reviewing, and _starlight1395_ for following! _**

**In this chapter, I did some research and there were multiple possible names for Cuba. I just chose my favourite. So Carlos is Cuba!**

**DISCLAIM: I don't own... otherwise there would be hot smex every episode like in okane ga nai!  
WARNING: this is rated t! this is boy x boy/slash/yaoi/bl call it what you want. but this has some cussing. not this particular chapter i dont think but the story as a whole... ^w^ EnJoY!**

**~PaNdA**

**...**

Well, it turns out, it could get worse. Really worse. Well, to me it could. It might not seem that bad to others, but the situation I'm in makes it worse.

After the whole ordeal with Gilbert and the blonde man I met yesterday, which wasn't a man, obviously, since he was in the student section, I headed to my first period classroom. Of course, I'm always first there every morning. So I sit down in my chair, a desk placed in the back corner of the classroom where there are no other people that sit. There aren't assigned seats in this particular class, seeing as its history and laid back. If the teacher made us sit in certain seats, everyone would probably riot, since we have enough rules as it is.

So as I sit there, I pull out my book and pretend to read, flipping and toying with the pages. It's not a particular book that piques my interest, but it'll keep my hands busy for the time being. I look over my book to the few kids that walk in before the bell. There's an English kid writing on the board and a girl from Seychelles rearranging the desks. One good thing about being virtually invisible, I don't really have to work.

So, I returned to my boring book. My eyes stayed down there until I heard a very loud voice in the class.

"Alfred! What're you doing here so early?!" an obnoxiously loud Cuban accent screamed. I looked up from my book to see what my brother had done to him yet again, but I saw a rude finger pointing accusingly at me. I trailed my vision up to the owner of the finger. Saw it coming…

"You're confused again, Carlos. It's me, Matthew, Alfred's brother…" I corrected him. The Cuban in front of me put down his finger and stared at me for a few seconds in confusion. Eventually, his face lit up in recognition.

"Oh, Matthew!" he exclaimed. "I remember you! Ah, sorry about accusing you for being Alfred. You two look so similar, I always get confused. He's just forgotten about how he owes me ten bucks!"

"Oh, no it's fi…ne…" I trailed off because a girl came over and tapped his shoulder, stealing his attention. They both left without a single glance back at me.

'God, why can't I have someone's attention for more than ten seconds? It's impossible…' I returned my focus to my boring book and flipped a page.

"Ahem…" a deep, throat based noise sounded next to me. I didn't look up, expecting the attention to be going elsewhere.

"Ahem…" it happened again. I still didn't look up because I'm used to people trying to get the focus of someone else. But, someone tapped my shoulder, and I knew they were trying to get my attention.

I looked up to my right and was met with a set of bright blue eyes.

"Bonjour! It's about time you listened to my attempts of getting you to look at me. Are you perhaps the boy I had seen yesterday?" he asked quite loudly if I might say. My face slightly heated as I tried to answer.

"I… eh…" I began quietly. The blonde sat down in the desk next to me. I noticed he still had the stubble from yesterday. "Yes," I finally said.

"Good! Good! I doubted I'd ever see you again!" I felt a blush creep onto my face, but I ignored it all the same.

"Um… Yes. Yet here we are, in school together. I half expected you to be too old for me, but you're in the same class as me." I mentally slapped myself for saying that. The male next to me had a growing smirk, I noticed. 'You're making it sound like you _want _him!' I shook my head at my thoughts, getting a confused glare from the male in front of me. "What's your name, eh?" I asked softly.

'Why would he save me though? I'm nothing really special. He doesn't even know me. I'm a stranger to him. What's it to him if a stranger dies? It doesn't really make sense…'

"…foi," the kid next to me finished. It didn't really sound like all he said, however.

"Excuse me? Could you repeat that?" I asked as politely as possible.

"My name is Francis Bonnefoi," he repeated as I asked. That does sound French. No doubt.

"Are you perhaps Fre-" I was interrupted by the bell. Now every student was in the room, save for a couple of absent people. I noticed Feliciano wasn't here yet. Neither was his brother. 'They were both in this period, weren't they?' Francis looked up at the ceiling, where the bell was, then back at me. He smiled kindly and resituated his body to be more comfortable in facing the front.

My heart fluttered for a short second at his smile, but I still turned my head to face the front.

Kids were loud and rowdy at this time in the morning, all trying to socialize before getting hushed by the teacher.

'The teacher is late, isn't she? I wonder when she'll get here… '

Just then, the door opened wide. I turned my head to see not what I was expecting. In came one of our counselors. She set out to the front of the classroom in a dazed mood; it almost seemed like she wasn't expecting this. Trust me, we weren't either. Or me at least…

She turned to us and, with an expression of distraught, told us that our teacher was in traffic so she would teach us that morning. I could tell that's not it though. You don't get all scared for a traffic jam.

"Turn your history books to page 206," she commanded in a shaky voice. A few groans were emitted from the throats of several students, but all the same we turned our textbook to the selected page. I spared a glance to Francis one last time, which I noticed he was sort of looking at me but I couldn't tell, before I turned my attention to the front board. By then, our temporary teacher/counselor had written the instructions to read a few pages and answer the questions on this page.

All throughout the forty five minutes we had in class, I kept stealing looks at Francis. However, when my eyes averted over there, he would be looking at me, and my face would brighten. I kept having this feeling of someone watching me, and I had no doubt it was Francis.

The bell finally sounded, and I gathered all my books. I began my ascend to the door behind the rest of the crowd.

"Uh… Mr. Williams!" the counselor stopped me. I looked behind me to the woman who called and began walking towards her. Of course, with my karma, Francis was with her. My ears felt hot all of a sudden. He looked at me fondly and smiled widely. But I could tell there was only, _only,_ a tiny spark of happiness in his eyes. "This here is Francis Bonnefoi. He's a new exchange student. The reason I didn't announce it in class was because he requested his presence to not be known. Anyway, would you consider taking him around school? You know, showing him where his classes were and how to get here and there?" She smiled slightly, obviously not very happy with this morning's events. Under her eyes were large bags, now that I'm close up to inspect. I bet she's been having a hard time sleeping lately. Poor thing…

"Sure, I'll do that. Come on, Francis. I'll show you to your second period, eh?" I grabbed his wrist, quickly wanting to get out of this room. It's not like I have something against her, it's just, we aren't on very good terms as of now. She knows something's wrong with me but I refuse to cave in and tell her, essentially a stranger. Yet I did yesterday with this boy I'm holding now… Wait, huh?

We were in the hall already; I almost hit a wall while I was thinking.

"I'm hoping that wall isn't my second period. Unless there's a secret portal I don't know about?" Francis chuckled quite loudly and my cheeks burned. Honestly… I retracted my hand from his arm, yet again, and peaked down the hallway.

"What is your next class on your schedule?" I asked the kid next to me. Oh, that reminds me… "As I was about to ask earlier, are you French?" I muttered softly.

"Oui, mon ami. I come from the City of Love, Paris," he answered in that thick accent. He intensely stared at a piece of paper before answering my other question. "My next class is science."

"That's the same as mine. Let's go before we're late, eh?" I headed off down the hall towards the science wing.

"So, your name is Matthew, oui?" I flushed slightly, but nodded all the same. I don't even know how he knows my name...

So, this wasn't as bad as I made it out to be, but I kept blushing when I look at him. Thus, I get embarrassed, and then my face burns into an even darker shade of red. Well off to science! With the boy that essentially saved me yesterday… of course… God, kill me before this day is over...

**...**

**Well if you'****re here, it obviously didn't make you hurl and not wanna read... that wasn't sooooo bad! Forgive me if it's not that good quality. **

**PaNdA oUt!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you to**_** wales-loves-whales, _and _TheLadySky _for reviewing, and _TheLadySky, UndertakerLover1232123, _and,_ fangirlHetalia_ for following, and _UndertakerLover1232123 _for favouriting!_**

**Well this didn't totally take FOREVER! OH MY GODZILLA! So anywho~ I'll make this short for you**

**DISCLAIM! I don't own Hetalia, All the rights go to Himaruya Hidekaz**

**WaRnInG! this particular chapter has a few curse words so if you don'****t like, don't read. this particular chapter was also written when I was depressed and in a suicidal mood so its pretty spacey in many places. Please keep that in mind when you read... also boyxboy yaoi slash whatev... beware~**

**...**

Well, I survived science… Is that good? I can't really tell at this point. I've had to show Francis around all day long and now its lunch time. I'm starved! Going five whole periods without food is further punishment for being at school.

"And here we arrived at the cafeteria," I announced when we entered the cafeteria doors. "The lines over there," I pointed to the straight, more like the opposite, array of people piling out of a door. "And over there," my finger moved to a ton of strategically placed tables and chairs, "is where we eat the food we get. Come on, let's get in line, eh?"

We both moved forth to the line, or crowd, of people. 'Today, I've talked a lot. My throat's feeling it too. It feels raspy when I talk now. I looked over to the Frenchman next to me. He was looking out of glass door in the cafeteria, for once, instead of looking at me. This time, I could examine him without getting thoroughly embarrassed. He has a much accentuated jaw-line, I noticed. His hair is extremely unruly. It goes every which direction. I wonder why he had to move here. Did something happen? I believe so. Every time we exchange a glance I see barely any happiness, even though he smiles.'

It's only then that I noticed Francis was staring at me with a smirk across his lips.

"Can't get enough of me, mon cher?" he quizzed, making my face flush to a bright pink.

"U-uh! it… It's n-not like that…" I stuttered. 'Why can't I just talk properly? God! He just called me darling. I'd say it's a French thing, but I know better…'

"Oh? You've been looking at me for the past thirty whole seconds. Is there an explanation for that, mon ami?" he continued to embarrass me further.

"I was… lost in thought… I guess… I'm sorry… I wasn't meaning to stare…" I trailed off, not wanting to dig my hole even further. 'I'm an idiot… a dumb-ass… why do I keep on, again? I didn't realize that I was going to see him, and I definitely didn't think I was going to be like a school girl…'

Suddenly, I felt an arm wrapped around my shoulders. I looked up to Francis, who was the owner of such arm. This time, I felt my ears heat up. I'm so helpless in this situation…

"It's completely fine to stare at me, mon ami." Francis chuckled lowly, the sound emitting strictly from his throat. By now, my entire face must've been red. Not pink anymore, red. Seriously, these pet names were getting to me…

"I… wasn't meaning to stare. Oh, look! Th-the line's moving up… Let's go, eh?" ugh, I can't believe myself! Seriously… Why do I keep stuttering and blushing?

We moved forward a bit, only a few feet closer to the food. We were the last to enter the cafeteria, so I wouldn't be surprised. Suddenly, I felt some movement next to me.

"Mon cher… I'm afraid your face is as red as a rose," Francis muttered straight into my ear. The notion sent shudders through my body, straight down to my…

'SHUT IT, MATTHEW!' my mind yelled. My ears and neck heated up. 'Come on, go down, GO DOWN!' my thoughts raged. I clasped my hands together, instinctively placing both hands upon my slight erection.

"What's wrong, mon cher?" Francis asked, this time not right into my ear. Francis sounded genuinely concerned, although it seemed as though he knew exactly what was occurring. I looked to my right, the side he was standing beside, and up at him. He was looming over me, almost overwhelming me. His smile was wide and bright, I could almost see his teeth sparkling in the light. I furiously blushed and quickly looked down.

"E-excuse me…" I pardoned myself and hurried myself to the restrooms, not even sparing a glance back to the Frenchman.

I hustled myself down the hallways as fast as my legs could walk. The men's bathroom was finally in my eyesight. As I made my way to the door, I could feel my… member… throb slightly as my mind ran through the recent events.

So, as I finally made it in through the bathroom door, I turned around and locked the door. Just to be safe… I leaned my back against a stall and sighed loudly, running my right hand through my hair.

"What do we have here?"

A shiver ran through my spine in fright. In the corner of the room was a familiar Russian voice.

"Wha-what do you want… Ivan?" I stuttered slowly in a whisper. In pure fright.

"Da~" he mused and a creepy spark entered his pupils as he ran at me, hands out to reach me. My body immediately went into overdrive and jumped out of the way towards the door but…

He reached me. His hands wrapped around my neck in a death grip. He pulled me up into the air, my feet weren't touching the ground anymore. My body was now against a wall next to the door. I reached my hand to the handle but his grip tightened.

"People like you don't deserve to exist!" he screamed in his thick Russian voice. My eyes widened in fear, body went limp in his hold. I no longer had any oxygen going into my throat to my lungs. I opened my lips to breathe through my mouth to no avail. Nothing went into my body.

"Ivan… please…" I whimpered in a raspy gasp. His smile just widened though.

"Kolkolkolkolkol…" he laughed in his own twisted mechanical way. It shook through the room and vibrated my weak body. His fingers tightened on my neck. I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer and shut them. I could feel my body start to shut down due to zero oxygen. Feet and legs were now numb. I couldn't keep up any more.

But suddenly I heard a voice, German perhaps, coming through the door.

"IVAN! LET GO OF HIM NOW BEFORE I FUCKING BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN!"

My ears twitched when I heard wood splintering. The floor hit my feet. And I was out like a light.

**...**

**Sorry it's so short... It was either this part or another thousand words... and this is actually a good place! So there. Happy? **

**without further ado... UNTIL NEXT TIME!**

**~PaNdA**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thank you to**_** fangirlHetalia _for reviewing, and _I-heart-Sesshomaru1, An Ordinary Riceball _and,_ The Forgotten Traveler_ for following, and _I-heart-Sesshomaru13 _and_ The Forgotten Traveler _for favouriting!_**

**Here we are again! This chapter took me a significantly longer time to write but I got it done! This story is told in a different character'****s point of view! Hopefully you'll notice who~ (its Francis)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own, sadly, Hetalia. **

**WARNING! Yaoi, lovey-dovey crap, yummy stuff~ enjoy~**

**...**

As I stood here in this cafeteria line, my heart and mind kept urging me to think that something was wrong. I looked around the room full of students around my age and stepped into the separate room full of food. The menu wasn't really as cuisine as my home country, but it was better than nothing, _oui_? Grabbing a Styrofoam plate on a tray placed at the entrance, I reached out for an Américain hamburger set out on display for us kids to grab. Since I was the last in the line, _where is that Matthieu_, I didn't have to worry much about angry kids behind me for being so slow. I haven't been here long, but I've been here long enough to know that Américains are rather rude to each other.

So, as I exited the lunch line with my tray of food, I looked around the large room for a place to sit. My eyes grazed over an empty seat in the far end of the café, so I began my stride towards the spot. That is, until a grim looking man rushed out in front of me and stopped me. He was in a green sort of shirt. A logo on the breast pocket revealed that he came from a hospital called ETMC.

"Stay back," his deep voice warned. Before I could pester about it, however, a few more grim looking men, and a woman, passed in front of me, a gurney in stroll behind them. My eyes widened slightly.

"What is going on?" I wondered out loud to someone. The initial man that stopped me answered.

"A kid in the bathroom was almost suffocated to death. We came to help."

My heart thumped through my body with much force. Eyes wide and jaw dropped, I followed the men, and woman, as they left the scene. I set my tray of food down on a random table filled with people, who were rather happy to have extra food, and continued my pace after the ETMC workers. However, a boy from the table grabbed my arm and halted me.

"Yo, what's going on, dude?" he asked me. His blonde hair was parted on one side, bangs hovering over his left, my right, eyebrow. He had glasses that were steadily falling down his nose, and which obscured such sparkly blue eyes. A stray clump of hair was sticking straight out of his part. For some reason, this person reminded me slightly of Matthieu.

"_Je ne sais pas_, I don't know. I was going to, erm… Investigate what is happening," I answered honestly. _Why lie, right_?

"Wait," the Américain looked around the café and widened his eyes. A finger pushed up his glasses as he looked back towards me. "Where's Matt?!" he bellowed and ran after the paramedics.

_Is he talking about Matthieu? Mon dieu…_

And I raced after them too, in fear for the safety of the boy that helped me as much as I probably helped him.

The emergency workers lead us to one of the bathrooms I haven't yet visited in this school. I saw, from my peripheral vision, the boy from the cafeteria's eyes widen even further and he leaned in to get a better look. On instinct, I leaned too and saw something horrid. A door, broken in half, laid in the doorway, and an albino hovered over Matthieu, who was cradled in his arms. I don't know why, but my heart ached at the site. I didn't want another male next to mon Matthieu, especially in such a loving fashion. I don't think anyone else noticed another male with a scarf wrapped around his neck walking away. I didn't really think much of it, at the moment I was concerned for the weakling on the floor.

"Come on, sir. We need to get him checked out," a man prodded at the albino. The one in question looked up with tear streaked eyes. He did as asked, however. The white haired student stood up and walked away from the blonde on the floor. Only now did I see the purple finger marks around his neck. Two of the four paramedics there went up to pick up the small body lying on the ground. The other two pushed a gurney towards Matthieu and they laid the unconscious man on the bed on wheels.

As they wheeled him away from the bathroom, the albino freaked out. He rushed out of the confined space and tore down the hallway to Matthieu's side. The other blonde that came from the cafeteria was still in shock. He glanced over to me before turning to me full on.

"That was Matt… right?" he asked timidly, as if second guessing himself. I gave a sharp nod and he suddenly raced off and away, but in the opposite direction to where Matthieu went.

"_Mon ami_, Where are you headed?" I yelled down the hallway. I ran towards him and away from the broken bathroom door.

"Gil won't be able to get in the ambulance, I know that. So they probably won't let me in to be fair," he answered as I came near. The boy stopped his steps and looked me dead in the eye. "Do you have a car, bro? I need to be able to see my little brother in the hospital."

That's when it all began to make sense. The albino was Gilbert, I'd heard of him from Matthieu. The blonde was Matthieu's brother, Alfred. It all made sense now. But who would do such a thing?

"_Oui_, I do. But do you mind giving me some directions to the hospital? I am sort of new to this town," I muttered as my reply. We finally reached the doors to the outside. The Américain looked over to me before we exited the doors.

"Dude, of course I will! I've seen you around here with my brother lately, so I kinda know you. I'm Alfred! Nice to meet you!" Alfred held out his hand and smiled widely. I reached my own hand out and firmly grasped his in a shake. We stayed there for a few moments while Alfred stared straight into me. It became very uncomfortable to say the least.

"Now let's go get Matthieu," I stopped the awkward silence that came upon us. Both of us detached the other and we head out into the broad daylight. I strayed across the parking lot to my car on the other side. We eventually reached my temporary rental car and hopped into it.

"Okay! So which way do we go?" I asked.

"That way," Alfred pointed to a general direction and locked down his seat belt. I noticed that his hands were shaking.

And thus, I put the vehicle into gear and drove down the road with only ambulance sirens to accompany the silence.

**...**

**Man... that was sad :( NOT OVER YET! there is happiness soon! never fear~ **

**If you would like to review, please do! I appreciate every single one, even though I might not thank you personally. I'll try though!**

**Je t'aime au croquer~**

**PaNdA, OUT**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thank you to**_** SilvertonguedSerpent1895 _for reviewing, and _Marik of Yami, MissSkulduggeryPleasant _and,_ WinterSpirit13_ for following!_**

**Here is the utterly awaited chapter! I'm joking, you guys want the next chapter XD I'm evil, aren't i? This is more of a filler chapter but it's still important to lead up to the plot I'm shooting for!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own! All copyrights go to their rightful owner. **

**WARNING: This might be painful for some readers to read as it may be personal. I recommend reading when you're not in a very sad mood~**

**...**

"Ah, we have arrived at the hospital, Alfred," I mumbled under my breath as I drove into the 'Visitor Parking' area. When he didn't answer back, I glanced over to my right at the boy in the seat. He was staring out at the window, however, and didn't notice me looking towards him.

I stopped the car in one of the open parking spaces and unbuckled my belt that keeps me in the seat.

"_Allons-y_; let us go, Alfred," I mumbled to the blonde to my right. His ear twitched slightly before he unclasped his own belt and opened the door. Before long, we were both in the hospital, talking to the desk woman.

"Please, we have to see my brother Matt!" Alfred half yelled at the lady. Her expression seemed exasperated, yet I still felt bad for the woman.

"I'm sorry, sir. I can't let you in right this moment. Maybe if you could hold your hors-"

"HOW CAN I HOLD MY HORSES WHEN MY LITTLE BROTHER COULD BE DYING?!" Alfred now screamed at the desk lady. The lady looked at him with a butt-hurt expression for a few long moments before she opened her mouth to speak.

"What is your brother's name," she asked in a slow and steady, almost forced, voice.

"Matthieu," I piped up, feeling left out. This woman looked up at me in expectance for the rest. "Matthieu Williams."

She typed on the keyboard with her long fingers a few times. An elbow laid on the desk as her head settled into her palm, her eyes flickering across the screen. A few more types, a couple mouse clicks…

"Room 310," she mumbled in a quiet voice. Alfred shot up and ran across the room towards an elevator.

"_Alfred, attendre , s'il tu plait!_" I yelled across the room, forgetting English momentarily as I sprinted after him. The elevator doors spread open with a ding as soon as I arrived next to Alfred, who was jittery with anxiousness. We both stepped in to the metal box and I clicked floor three, since the room was in the three hundreds.

Eventually, the elevator reached our desired floor and opened its doors with another ding. Alfred rushed out immediately. I, on the other hand, was much calmer about it, walking out with fake confidence. Alfred presumably found the room because he suddenly halted his sprint and began to stare at a door. He knocked upon the wood and waited as I sauntered over to his side. As I stood next to the Américain, the door flew open and out came a tall, robust man in a white coat.

"Are you two here to visit Matthew?" a deep voice asked. I glanced upon his name tag.

"Yes!" Alfred screamed at _Ludwig's_ face. The latter looked taken aback but stepped aside anyway.

"Elizaveta did say two blonde men were heading up here to visit. He's stable at the moment, but still unconscious." Ludwig muttered with a slight blush as Alfred rushed past him. "I'll leave you two some privacy." He left the area and walked down the hallway until he turned a corner.

I turned around to peer inside the room. Inside, I did not like what I saw. My entire body locked up with memories of when I saw my first love in this same state. Heart wrenching thoughts flooded through my mind and welled up in my eyes. Unwillingly, my feet began moving to mon Matthieu's bedside.

My breath hitched as Matthieu deeply breathed. His throat was a dark shade of violet. His mostly bare stomach held a pure white bandage with a few uncovered bruises above it. My own eyes flickered across his entire body. Only his legs were covered with trousers. I audibly heard Alfred gasp and I looked up at his shocked face.

"Quoi?" I asked. "What is it, Alfred?"

A hand flew to cover his dropped jaw as another hand shakily held a finger up. I followed the direction of the point that fell to Matthieu's arm. _What? Why? Matthieu?_

**_..._**

**_Well that WAS pretty short, was it not? Sorry I didn't think it was that short... ehehehehehhh~ man this was really weird and sad and all over the place~ hope you didn't mind!_**

**_If you so like to review or favourite or follow, I appreciate it! _**

**_Ich liebe dich~_**

**_PaNdA_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thank you to**_** TheLadySky, _and _North of the North _for reviewing, and _LazyKatLady, anonanjaani, Dotted-Daffodil, Mozart's Fantasy, North of the North, Silver Makara, _and_ XGamexDiggerX_ for following, and _SakuHanaMusic, anonanjaani, BrookeDinkely13, North of the North, The Silver Magician of Chaos _and_ Silver Makara _for favouriting!_**

**well... um... DONT KILL ME PLEASE! wow these A/Ns have gotten shorter... huh**

**DISCLAIMER! me, not own. nevaaa**

**WARNING! so theres yaoi, some heated stuff... yeah!**

**...**

I just could not believe it. Matthieu would do such a thing to his own body. As soon as I saw all of that I just… I could not handle it. It was everywhere. On his legs, his hips, his thighs, his shoulders… Knowing that someone as sweet as mon Matthieu would do such a thing, and for such a reason too! Of course, when we first met, he was about to commit suicide so it should not be that shocking but… seeing it as true and concrete just brought me great pain. As I thought it through now, I feel even worse.

_"I knew Matt was depressed but… not to this point," Alfred mumbled after we both shared our own shock._

_"Why would mon cher be depressed?" I pushed the Américain, wanting some answers._

_"He gets bullied a lot; that's most likely why he's here right now." _Not really what I wanted, _I thought._

_"Yes, but why does he get bullied?" I continued interrogating._

_"He's gay." Alfred stated, then, as if he was not supposed to say anything, covered his mouth with exaggeration._

_"He is… what?" I asked with a shocked expression._

_"Nothing nothing!" the Américain yelled loudly. He chuckled nervously while I stared straight at his lying face._

_"_Alfred_, tell me what you said." I crossed my arms to emphasize my stern sentence._

_"It's none of your business! It's Matt's, not mine!" Alfred's eyes were closed and his face was pink._

_"W-well I am, ah what is the term… bisexual?" I confessed. I could tell my own cheeks were dusted pink but I still stood proud and looked at Alfred as he opened his eyes to stare at me._

_"I knew there was something different about you."_

That summed that up. First, I found out mon Matthieu was gay, then I confessed my preference in gender to someone I hardly knew. But… just knowing that Matthieu… cut… because he was bullied for being gay changes everything I ever thought about Américains. In France, people won't be ridiculed just for loving someone. L'amour is l'amour. Everyone should be free to love who they desire and not be despised.

By now, Alfred has left me alone to watch over Matthieu. Seeing the frail boy made my heart thud in my chest. He may not be loud like most people here but he is at least lively. He was not moving at all. My eyes began to stare at the heart monitor connected to the boy.

_Bum bum…bum bum…bum bum…bum…bum…_

A loud alarm screeched in the room and I stood up in fright. There was a flat, green line across the heart monitor. My own beating heart accelerated as I was frightened for Matthieu.

Three doctors dressed in white clothing suddenly busted into the room and rushed to Matthieu's bedside. One of them held a handle with metal plating in each hand. Each other doctor was yelling. There was a high pitch sound across the room. The doctor rubbed the metal together and placed one on each side of his chest. Then there was thud of Matthieu's body jumping.

The same metal made a high pitch. They were placed on his chest.

Another thud.

More yelling.

"One more!" someone screamed.

"200!" another called.

That same high pitch and rubbing. Again, the devices were both placed on each side of Matthieu's chest.

A thump. Quiet as first, then it reigned across the room. The heart monitor no longer had a straight green line and instead had a staggered heartbeat.

"He's still alive," someone stated.

I was staring at the blonde laying on the bed. Was he just dead? What exactly just happened? I couldn't live if he died.

My head felt lightheaded and the room started spinning.

"Sir?" a doctor approached me.

"Sir?" they repeated.

"I am ok," I croaked.

"Maybe it's best for you to leave and go home," someone suggested.

"Non!" I exclaimed as I sat down and calm my nerves.

"Do you wish for a bed to sleep the night?" a different doctor asked.

Slowly, I nodded my head. As long as I could stay next to mon cher's side, I would feel at ease. Especially after that recent episode, I did not want to leave. What if it happened again?

"_S'il vous plait_," I answered.

"_Alors nous avons un lit pour vous de dormir à côté de votre ami_. _(A/N: Then we will get a bed for you to sleep next to your friend)" _A doctor shockingly replied in my native tongue. I looked up at who said that and saw a beautiful blonde woman looking at me with a smile. "_Parlez-vous français, non_? _(A/N: You speak French, right?)"_

"_Oui_," I replied, glad that someone speaks my language. "_Merci._"

Then everyone vacated the room; it was just me and Matthieu.

Eventually, that same French-speaker came by with an extra bed and I laid down upon it. Minutes, or hours even, passed with me just staring to the side. To Matthieu's face. His body. I sat up and hovered over the other's bed.

_He is very beautiful, _I thought. _His hair is wavy. His skin looks so soft and pale. _Upon my thoughts, I acted to them and decided to feel his cheek. _It is soft… so soft. His lashes are so dark compared to his honey blonde hair. Even his nose is so tiny. And his lips look so plump and pink. They almost wish to be kissed. _I stopped thinking rational thoughts. _This boy underneath me is so handsome, yet so fragile._ It was then that I realized how close my face was to his.

Suddenly, I saw violet eyes as opposed to closed lids.

Suddenly, I felt an impulse in my body.

Suddenly, lips were pushed against lips.

My lids fell as I decided to deepen this beautiful kiss. _I was right, they are plump,_ I mused. My own tongue pressed on Matthieu's bottom lip to silently ask for an entrance. I peeked open one of my eyes to look at the male beneath me. His cheeks were completely red and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut. I felt him spread his lips apart slightly with hesitation. Taking this as an invitation, I prodded my tongue into his mouth and felt around the territory. Then, our muscles touched. It was like a spark across my body. I had to release some tension… right then.

I hopped upon the bed, our lips not disconnecting once. My legs rested on each side of his body, eventually deciding on a straddling position. Our tongue touched once again and a heat wave hit my body. Then the heat settled in my lower abdomen.

A loud moan caught my attention; I knew I had gone too far. Reluctantly, I broke apart our seal and looked down at the beet red boy. A few droplets of sweat had decourated his forehead.

"Fr… Francis…" he gasped out. Then, I had the honour of seeing his beautiful, violet orbs. They sparkled so brightly and I couldn't help but smile at the look. "That…" he began. His tone made me pay attention even more. "Th-that was my…" he glanced away with a bright blush. "My first kiss…"

**...**

**DONT KILL ME YET I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! not really. heh!**

**plez plez plez at least spred the word out to your friends that like franada?**

**~PaNdA SIGNING OFF**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thank you to**_** PanDAHeRoLOveR**_** for reviewing, following and favouriting!**_

**Sorry I'm late in updating. I lost track of time and things are hectic and just, ugh**

**Disclaim! I own nothing of Hetalia! all rights go to its owner**

**Warning... I suck at writing this. Sorry! There's an aftermath of the kiss and then self harm and depression so enjoy this weirdness**

**TRIGGER WARNING! **

**...**

Having the honour of stealing such a lovely boy's first kiss was sweet. However, the reality set in after only a few moments. We had only met that morning; technically speaking, we had met last night but we didn't know each other's names until today. Yet still, we had only just met and just shared a kiss.

After he confessed his innocence of not having a kiss until today, I hopped off his waist and lay down on my own bed. At one point, the sheets were drawn in between our beds so we each had privacy. I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to look over and see Matthieu fidgeting his fingers with a pink hue.

Now that I could not do that, I stared at the ceiling. Everything in this room was white, except my clothing. My hand found its way to my pants pocket and pulled out my phone. '2.34' it read. I have been laying here for about 4 hours.

A sigh escaped my lips.

"All I want is sle-" I could not even finish my sentence when I heard a gasp.

"Matthieu?" I called out in the dark.

A short, muffled cry sounded.

I slowly moved my legs to fall off the edge of the bed. Once my feet fell to the cold floor, I stood up and walked up to the sheet separating our beds. Heart pounding, my hand raised up ever-so-slowly to move away the sheet when yet another cry sounded. Unconsciously, I tore the sheet away to reveal something I didn't want to see.

Matthieu was sitting up in the hospital bed bent over and scraping at his forearms. A tear drop fell from his chin, followed by another. My own heart thumped at the sorrowful sight. Automatically, my feet inched forward until I could not move closer. I plopped down onto the hard mattress to get the blondes attention. Said blonde immediately sat up straighter and robotically moved his arms to his sides.

"Matthieu?" I whispered. He turned his head away from me, as if ashamed and scared of what I might do. "Matthi-"

"Please stop!" he cried suddenly. His shoulders began to shake violently and I knew he was crying.

"Bu-"

"Pl-please… just leave me alone…" he whispered so softly, I could barely hear.

"_Mon cher_, what is the matter?" I asked with great concern. I set my hand on one of his shoulders but he didn't even budge.

"Nothing. Im fine. Just go," the honey blonde answered monotonously.

"_Non_. Now tell me what the matter is."

He took a deep breath in and shakily exhaled. I almost thought he would talk to me but all chances died when he randomly turned around and wrapped his thin arms around my shoulders and landed his head upon my shoulder. His entire torso shook with cries as he wet my shoulder. My own arms found their way around his shoulders to be comforting. I gently pat his shoulder blade in a small attempt to calm him down.

Several moments later, he finally spoke up.

"Francis… I have to ask you of something."

"What is it?" I inquired. I felt like something big was about to occur, for my heart began to pound deeply. He shakily took a few breaths to calm down, then he pulled back to look me in the eyes. His very beautiful eyes…

"Why? Why did you kiss me? Did you wish to make a mockery of me, eh? Did you know about me and want to try some shit?!" By now, I noticed how bloodshot his eyes were. Tears flooded down his cheeks as he asked me all this nonsense.

"I-I would never," I answered, baffled. "Why would you think me to do such a thin-"

"Because I've dealt with that type of thing before!" he yelled, which was more like regularly talking but still very much got the point across. "People all the time try to get me in their pants because I'm gay! I-" he suddenly stopped and blushed. On impulse, I reached out and hugged Matthieu tightly.

"I would never do that to you. I _could_ never do that to you."

"I… I'm so sorry, Francis." He pulled away again to look me in the eyes but stopped and widened his own. "You're crying," he stated. I touched my bottom eye lid and felt it moist.

"So I am. It does not matter. I am more worried about you. Are you okay?"

He nodded slowly and timidly set his arms in his lap. Very casually, I grabbed his wrist and lifted his arm to get a look. There was hardly any light in the room but from what I could see, I didn't want to. Dozens of raised scars littered his pale skin. They looked oh-so nostalgic.

A tug got my attention from stroking his wrist. I looked up to see Matthieu looking down with an atmosphere of shame.

"I- well…"

"Do you want to know a secret?" I suddenly broke him off from his own embarrassment. He glanced up at me and looked back down. I took it as a yes.

My heart began thudding in my ribcage as I let go of his arms and traced the hem of my short sleeves. Slowly, I rolled my left one up to my shoulder, followed by my right. I knew he saw, judging by the quiet gasp coming from the other. Cold fingers pressed onto my own scars raised up on my shoulders.

"Why?" I heard him mumble. I'm pretty sure it was just him thinking out loud but I answered anyway.

"I, too, like men. For a short period of time, I was scared to come out to my family. It was such a burden to keep but I held on tightly. There were times I felt so ashamed of what I was, _who_ I was, that I grabbed a pair of scissors and did what you see here. I am okay now but a couple years ago… I was just as blue as you are now."

By now, Matthieu was looking at me in shock. I'm not surprised that he was shocked by my past, but he was actually interested enough of my past to look at me. I felt special.

"We are not so different after all, oui?"

A loud gulp was swallowed in Matthieu's throat.

"_Oui_."

**...**

**So that wasn't so bad if you made it here... **

**Thank you so much for reading! **

**PANDA out~**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you to**_** North of the North, _and _FireFox Vixen**_** for reviewing,**_** mayat1900, Plokmn99, i believe in zelly, _and _FireFox Vixen**_** for following, and**_** mayat1900, FireFox Vixen, _and _Hetalian7**_** for favouriting!**_

**OH MAH GERSH I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY!  
I am so late in updating! I am so sorry everyone! I've just been so swamped and my boyfriend recently broke up with me and just... ugh i couldn't update. It's spring break so I'm updating! I hope so badly that I'll be having regular updates that are ****consistent. Because I'm so late in updating, this story is a little longer than normal. Anyway I'll let you get on with the story.**

**Warning! boyxboy and yaoi and TRIGGER WARNING! I don't want any of you people to do anything like cutting in this story. If you are ever in a bad situation and feel the need to cut, PLEASE PM ME! I will listen and I refuse to tell anyone! Cutting is a bad habit that can always get out of hand.**

**Disclaimer: i own nothing except these words i have written. The anime is not mine and the characters are not mine.**

**TRIGGER WARNING OMG-**

**Matthew's point of view~**

**...**

It's been a week since my first kiss with Francis. He's become my best friend now. We've done pretty much everything together. Both of us ate lunch together, went to each class… even spent the weekend at Francis' house! That was some sight. His family is all French and speaks hardly any English… luckily I was born in Quebec so I had no problem communicating! Francis was really shocked when I talked to his father in his native tongue. I would be too if I didn't know my best friend spoke my native language!

I think I'm falling in love with Francis.

I know, I know! That was extremely random! But he just gets me. I love hanging around him because he makes me feel noticed. To be honest, I haven't touched a blade in a week. It's been so long and I've never felt happier than when I am with Francis.

But I've only known him for a week! What could I possibly know about falling in love? Nothing, eh?

.-.-.-.

"Matthieu!" a very familiar voice cried as I waltzed down the hallway. I turned around and was faced with exactly who I expected.

"_Bonjour, François_," I replied in French as I waited for him to catch up to me.

"_Bonjour, mon ami!_ Ah, this weekend was long, _oui?_" He smiled at me and I smiled back.

Thus, our normal conversation continued until we both arrived in history. There were still a few minutes until the bell rang, but Francis and I sat down anyway. Which was fine! I don't mind sitting in silence at all! But then someone just had to walk in…

"Mattie!" a Ger- I mean Prussian called out. I looked up at a distinct pair of crimson coloured eyes, which stared straight back. A sigh was about to escape my throat but I noticed Francis eying Gilbert warily. Said Frenchman just looked away and sat his chin in his hand.

"Hello, Gilbert." The sentence hardly escaped my mouth when he was replying again.

"No need to be so formal, birdie! Just Gil is fine. C'mon, say it!" _Why does he have to be like this?_

"Just sit down, Gilbert," I tried to reason.

"But I don't want to leave _mein birdie_ here with this perv!"

I froze instantly. To my right, I noticed Francis' hand clench beneath his jaw.

"Gilbert, I think it would be best if you'd le-"

"Never! I couldn't leave you behind like last week."

"Gilbert, please just go-" again I was interrupted.

"_Il a dit a putain de s'asseoir! Aller, maintenant! (A/N: He said to fucking sit! Go, now!)" _Francis shockingly yelled. Never was I expecting him to do that.

"What?" Gilbert questioned. After all, he didn't know French.

Yet, Francis didn't explain. No, he glared daggers at Gilbert. If looks could ever kill, I'm positive Gilbert would be nothing more than a mere pile of dust. All I could do was look at the way Francis looked at Gilbert with such disgust.

Apparently, contrary to popular belief, the albino could _sense_ that Francis was no one to mess with at this moment. He turned on his heel and pranced over to a Spanish person's desk. My gaze flickered over to the blonde to my right and all his burning fury.

"Francis, calm do-"

"I will not!" His voice cracked and he stood up. "I cannot stand for another to even try to take you from me! Just leave me alone! Please, just let me be alone." Swiftly, he walked past me and exited the room. Only then did I notice liquid on his desk top.

_Was he perhaps… crying?_

Ahead of me, Gilbert and his friend, Antonio, were looking at the door. Even Lovino, the rudest person there, was looking at the direction Francis went.

The bell rang but suddenly, all eyes were on me. Everyone. Quite literally everyone in the room was looking at me. Everyone on the class role, save for two or three, had their eyes on me. Then everyone began to scream and curse at me for making someone feel bad that "their French exchange student got upset and ran". Naturally, as someone invisible on a regular basis, I felt panicked. Suddenly, my arms scratched. It hasn't done that in a few days. But as of this moment, they yearned for anything.

Out of an unknown instinct, I stood up and rushed out of the room. Instead of running to the bathroom, I ran home. I only live a fifteen minute walk away from the school. Maybe if I sprinted, I could make it in ten. So I did just that. I sprinted to my house.

Not even five minutes later was I tearing open the front door and jumping up the steps. Finally in front of my bedroom door, I rushed in there and pulled open a dresser drawer.

_Scissors… razor blades… safety pins… Alfred's pocket knife… a steak knife…_

All sorts of weapons were held inside my drawer. My hands fumbled for my favourite, the razor blades. By now, my breath was uneven and tears streamed steadily down my cheeks. I took one blade out and pressed it firmly against my wrist.

_One cut… two cuts… three cuts… thirteen cuts…_

I lost track as my tears blocked my vision. But I didn't even stop there. I mimicked the same onto the other arm.

After my session, I fell against my very inviting bed. Both of my arms ached with a very familiar tingle. Blood was still slowly oozing out of a few deeper cuts and draining my energy.

I looked up at the ceiling until darkness over took me.

_.-.-.-._

_Francis was several meters away from me. I immediately dashed out to see him but when I got to him, he didn't turn straight towards me like normally. He just looked on ahead. I followed his sight and saw a mirror. He was in a pool of blood. Then I noticed his shoulders and upper arm bleeding heavily._

'Francis!' What happened! _I tried to say. My mouth moved, but no sound came out to open ears. I couldn't speak. Nothing came out!_

'Francis!' _I tried again. Nothing came out though. Tears fell from his eyes and joined the puddle beneath him. I ripped my own shirt and tried to tie it around his shoulders, but the fabric disintegrated the moment it touched his skin. My own heart yearned for my love._

_Unconsciously, I wrapped my arms around Francis' torso._

'Francis!' _I screamed. The Frenchman looked at me suddenly, almost robotically._

_"Leave me alone, scum," his mouth said, yet the voice that came out was definitely not his. "You don't deserve to live, filth. Faggot. Gay. Pussy. Dick. Get away from me!" He pushed my body away from his._

_"Francis…" I mumbled._

_"No. You are disgusting. You shouldn't be anywhere near me." The voice wasn't his, but other people I know that have talked down to me. "Why are you even alive? You are a faggot! It's gross."_

_The names have gone past that. Francis stood up to look down at me._

_"People like you don't deserve to exist!" He then proceeded to wrap his hands around my throat as he lay me down and sat on my stomach._

_"Matthieu…" I heard the real Francis say. When I looked up, Francis was still mercilessly choking the daylights out of me._

_"Matthieu…"_

_"Matthieu!"_

_"MATTHIEU!"_

My eyelids shot up as I breathed heavily. I looked around my room frantically and found Francis hovering above my body. Alfred was in the corner of the room, looking at me with pity. Arms wrapped around my shoulders as Francis' body shook against mine.

"_S'il tu plait, _never run like that again…" he cried into my shoulder.

"Like what?" I had the audacity to ask, yet still in a timid voice.

"You just ran and I found you in here, shaking violently and bleeding out! You had me thinking you were dying!" Francis yelled into my neck.

"I did… what?" By now, I was utterly confused. Then I remembered. I ran from school and…

Frantically, I tried to cover my arms with my blanket but Francis leaned up and stopped me. He grabbed my arm gently and brought my wrist to his lips where he began to kiss each cut tenderly.

"Please don't do that again… I love you." He put down my arm and cupped my cheek. Again, he was hovering above my face. Somehow, I saw it coming. Yet, somehow, I didn't.

His soft lips grazed lightly over my own before he planted his lips firmly, yet tenderly, full on my lips. He leaned away for a short second but only for a moment as he wrapped my maple zip-up jacket around my shoulders, which I shoved my arms through quickly. They were back and both of his hands held my cheeks.

I reached my own hand up and cupped his face while my other hand painfully reached behind his head and ran through his hair, kissing him again.

_That's it…_

_I'm utterly in love with Francis Bonnefoi._

**...**

**I just reread that and... ugh the angst**

**AGAIN! Please everyone, don't follow in Mattie's footsteps. Being a cutter is not a very healthy way to take care of stress. If anyone feels the need to cut, find a trusted friend. Confide in a family member you trust. Anything is better than cutting! You can even talk to me! Guys I love you so much and you're loved in this world. There is no need to do anything like self harm.**

**I love you guys! Please review and favourite if you wish! Have a good one until next time~**

**~PaNdA OUT!**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Thank you to**_** i believe in zelly**_** for reviewing,**_** decidednobeactiveanymore, DragonBlood-Katana, _and _FluffyPillows663**_** for following and favouriting!**_

**Sorry I've had a ton of things going on. I can't update as often but I'll still try!**

**warning: trigger warning and bl and yaoi**

**Disclaimer: I do not own sorry**

**...**

Consciousness awoke me, but I was too comfortable to actually open my eyes. But curiosity got the better of me so I leaned in the general direction of my nightstand. However, something didn't let me go and grasped my stomach.

I clawed all over the bed, trying to break free from my captivity. I felt like I could just die. My hands grasped the sheets and nightstand in desperation in the search of… my phone.

My hands felt the cool surface of the screen on my phone and I let out a breath I didn't realize I held in. I'm nothing without my cell phone. I held it up to look at the time, wincing slightly from my wounds. The screen shined brightly and I had to squint to adjust. While my eyes got used to the light, I scanned my body and saw an arm draped over my stomach. Following the arm to its owner, I could stop squinting and see Francis' face cuddled into the nape of my neck. I didn't know how I couldn't notice him there before but now I could feel him.

Finally, I looked at the time on my phone and it read "10:47 pm". The screen shut off just as a stir tickled my neck and a giggle escaped my lips. Francis groaned and stretched, squeezing me tightly after he was done.

"_Bonjour_," he muttered with a groggy voice.

"Actually," I cleared my throat from its own grogginess, "it's 10:45 at night. You're several hours off. Sorry."

"Mm... Turn the light on, _s'il tu plait_?"

"Okay fine." I sat up, making Francis groan, and blindly walked toward the light switch. Raising my arms hurt greatly yet I ignored it.

My fingers grazed the switch in which I automatically turned it on. As an immediate response, I squinted my eyes tightly. I noticed Francis did as well but he still sat up.

Walking back to my bed, I fell down next to Francis and leaned my head up on his shoulder.

"What shall we do? We have school tomorrow but we just woke up. Perhaps we could go to your house to hang out for a while?" I proposed. He seemed to ponder this thought… until my stomach growled.

"Or we could go get some food for that stomach of yours."

I blushed and sheepishly smiled though he couldn't see my face since I was on his shoulder. He held my head randomly. I couldn't help but love this feeling.

"American fast food restaurants only close at midnight, right?" Francis asked.

"Yeah. Why? I thought you didn't like fast food."

"If it's for you then I'm okay with it." He's so sweet… "By the way…" He grabbed my left hand and tenderly touched my wrist to his lips. Time seemed to freeze. I felt myself jerk my head off his shoulder to stare at him. I've never felt this feeling. His eyes were closed, or at least looking down. It seemed so cliché but it was almost as if sparks flew. My heart raced.

But all moments come to an end.

He disconnected his lips to my wrist and looked me in the eyes. He seemed upset but happy at the same time. It almost felt like he was going to lean in and kiss me right then and there but he didn't. He stood up and began walking weirdly toward the door.

"F-Francis?" I stuttered out.

"Let's go eat!" he seemed to yell. I don't know what made him so upset. I bet it was me wasn't it… It was my cuts I bet. Either way, I get my maple leaf hoodie and slip it on to cover myself. Then I slip on a pair of my black converse shoes and follow him silently.

Luckily, my dad was asleep in his recliner. I was able to avoid his interrogation today.

About half way to the nearest restaurant, Francis grabbed my hand in his own. I looked up at him to see him smiling down on me with the most handsome smile. We both squeeze each other's hand. It was really comforting.

…

After eating and filling my stomach, we both walk to Francis' house. He lives with his parents. I've never met his mom but his dad is amazing. Francis told me he had a brother but I've never met him. He must still be in France.

"We're here, Matthieu."

"Ah, yes. Now I can sleep."

And that's exactly what I do. I follow Francis up to his room and plop down on the bed, falling asleep instantly.

**...**

**Hopefully you guys enjoyed. Please review and share!**

**PaNdA~**


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thank you to**_** Yo, _and _CrypticDeath _for reviewing, _Iluna Sorgina Talis, MatthewHyatt, kupkake2808, CrypticDeath, Tsukiyama Trash, _and_ Eftfyrwd _for following, and _****MatthewHyatt, kupkake2808, CrypticDeath, Tsukiyama Trash, _and_ Eftfyrwd _for favouriting!_**

**I apologize so much! I haven't been updating. To be honest, I haven't had the motivation to write this story. I also don't even know what I want from this. I don't know where I want it to end. So I'm just winging it. But I'm writing as much as I can! I'm so sorry guys. I also have to be in a certain mood to even write this fanfic and lately that mood hasn't been coming to me. **

**Trigger warning! There are some mentions of cutting and such. Read at your own precaution**

**...**

Since I've met Matthieu a month ago, my life has seemed to look up. I've forgotten about my times in France that weren't so great. Sometimes, I even forget that being gay or bisexual in America isn't acceptable. It's just me and Matthieu. I resist every urge to not just kiss Matthieu out of his mind. I don't want to scare him away just yet. Not after I scared him the first time I kissed him. I still can't believe I had the honour of taking away his first kiss. Sometimes I feel it too good to be true, Matthieu and I, that is.

I've been thinking for a while that I could ask Matthieu out but I've decided not to for the time being. He's still a fragile teenager, ready to break once dropped. I've been trying my best to help him out of his depression but sometimes I feel like he's too far away for me to help. That won't stop me though. I'll try my best to save him and stop his habits.

A couple days ago, I caught him trying to cut at his wrists with a safety pin. I gently lowered his armed hand and placed a rubber band around his hand. He looked at me with a questioning look and asked why. I replied that any time he has the urge to cut, to snap the band against his wrist a couple times. I has the same temporary effect but it doesn't have the permanent outcome.

Right then, I was at my house, staring at the ceiling and waiting for Matthieu to call. He had told me before school ended that he would call me about hanging out this weekend but he hasn't yet. I had started to think he'd bailed on me. I would have felt the same in his shoes. Matthieu's the type of person that didn't like to go out to places and rejoiced when plans were cancelled. He may be going through something with his parents right now. Maybe his brother took his phone and was making him stay home and not leave him.

Just when I stood up to go get something to snack on, my phone vibrated. I walked over to it and pressed answer.

"_Bonjour!_" I started and sat down on the bed.

"_Hey Francis. I can't hang out this weekend. I'll see you Monday though._" Why does he sound so sad?

"Is everything alright?" I inquired. He didn't sound okay.

For a moment he was silent but then I heard sniffles from his end. "_They just won't stop. It's not my fault I was born this way. Why do people hate me for how I am?_"

I realized what this was about and I jumped up, grabbing my jacket as I went out the door and down the stairs.

"I'm coming over. Stay where you are."

**POV Matthew**

Francis told me to stay where I was and hung up. It took me a while to process what he had meant and once I realized, I jumped where I was and into the bathroom to clean myself up. First I cleaned my face and removed all evidence that I had been crying but staring at my reflection, I couldn't stop sobbing. Maybe I was just being a crybaby but I just couldn't stop. I would look at my face, my purple cheek bones and the red cut on my cheek and remember all that happened after school.

It hasn't happened in the past few weeks and I thought things have changed but once again, I was proved wrong and punched until I couldn't feel my face. Somehow I knew it would happen again but I still didn't expect it to.

After it happened, I decided that seeing Francis wasn't the best idea. He'd just get angry and want to kill the boys for what they did. Not that I blame him. But I still didn't feel emotionally stable for being with Francis and wanting to be closer to the Frenchman.

I looked at my wrist and ran my fingers across the rubber band Francis had given me. It's proven to be working but sometimes I wonder why he even tries. I'm not the best person in the world. I don't deserve someone as perfect as Francis. He's so much better than me. I've been falling for him but I feel like I shouldn't; almost as if this love isn't allowed and shouldn't exist.

But then, I remember that I know virtually nothing about him. I know that he's French. He hides some secrets from me that I won't push out. He's bisexual, he used to cut his own flesh. It's really all I know. Sometimes, it makes me sad that he won't let me in further. Other times, it makes me not want to try to be closer, to just give up on having a relationship and be alone forever.

A loud knock broke me out of my thoughts. Francis came into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He was breathing really heavily and fell to the floor in ragged breaths.

"Francis?" I wiped my tears from under my eyelids and crouched down next to him. He sat down on the ground and outstretched his legs, one bent up for him to lean on. His breaths came out lighter and slower now, a good sign.

"Are you crazy? Why'd you come? Why did you run all the way over here?"

"I wanted… to make sure… you didn't do any… thing bad," He breathed out.

I don't know why I didn't notice it before.

Francis always does things to ensure I don't cut. It makes me feel really good about myself when he does things like this; whether it be buying me food to occupy my mind or running to make sure I don't take out a knife. It's a sweet gesture and it really makes me love him more.

It's quiet for a while until I realize how close we are to each other. My heart begins to pound as I stare into Francis' eyes from the side.

"It's really loud," he breaks the silence. At first I think he's talking about my heart but then he finishes.

"It's really loud: my heart. Being this close to you."

**...**

**Hopefully it wasn't bad. I wrote this chapter in probably an hour so there may be mistakes. I hope you enjoyed!**

**panda OUT! **


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